Learning to Trust my Own Potential

By Kai | Youth in TDC Jakarta, Indonesia

Kay during her internship at KDM Foundation

Hi, my name is Chairunnisa, but people call me Kay. I'm only 19 years old right now, and there's not much to be proud of in my life at the moment. I graduated from high school with a major in science and was one of the top graduates at the time, which I thought was a great achievement that would support my career. But it turned out not to be the case.

This year, I faced many failures.

My life has been so boring for the past four months. I wake up, eat, go for a run in the afternoon, and then anxiously wait for good news from the Glints app (an Indonesian application for job applications). Sometimes I have to stay clear-headed amid my family's demands and their discouraging words. I also wanted to change, but at that time, I was too confused about how. Everything felt dead-end, even for me. After waiting for almost five months, Zaela, a Youth already part of the LP4Y invited me to join. Her reason was simple... because I could speak English, she said.

I tried talking to my mother at the time. She didn’t seem too bothered and surprisingly supported me easily. Therefore, I still felt my world was okay, at least there were always positive prayers she gave me, and she always believed and was happy to see her only child growing.

The first lesson I learned after joining was that I got to know myself and my potential better. For example, when I was first appointed at the MC for a fairly large event, namely Futsal with JRS (Jesuit Refugee Service), one of our local partners. Through this moment, I learned to be more courageous and feel comfortable using my English skills, even though my heart felt like it wasn't working that day because I was so nervous.

Gaining new experiences like this made me, who was usually “capable” but sometimes held back, enjoy showing my true self more.

A few months later, before my internship, my Coach offered us a great opportunity at a company to fill a position in General Affairs. After the test, a few days later they informed me via WhatsApp that I had passed for the position.

However, I didn't feel satisfied and was completely unfamiliar with the formal work environment. Another option I had at the time was Kampus Diakoneia Modern Foundation (KDM). There, I felt more connected to myself, learned to take responsibility not only for myself but also for others, became more independent, had to be more diligent, and developed creativity.

During my internship at the KDM Foundation, I worked as an assistant teacher in Alternative Education. For me, besides being flexible and providing accommodation for two weeks, I felt closer to myself and became more interested in volunteering and similar activities. However, the downside was that I often felt lonely and easily bored, but didn't know where to go. It didn't take long to get rid of that feeling, because I finally made friends and adapted. There, I focused on being a companion to a very special child. Even though he was doubtful and had developmental delays, he was a very interesting and cheerful child.

Activity at the KDM Foundation

I spent my two weeks helping that child develop and build his own project. At first, it was difficult to approach him, but after convincing him, he finally agreed to try. And our event titled “Tanam Kata Tumbuhkan Cerita” was successfully held.

After my internship ended, I felt a little more mature and wise in some ways, even though I didn't change that much. At least I wasn't as spoiled anymore. Now I’m at the management step, the highest step in the LP4Y program, but in my opinion, I should walk at the back to ensure they can also develop as they wish. Through my experience at KDM, I feel this aligns with my aspiration to become a psychologist someday. That dream remains unchanged.

Certificate Ceremony at the KDM Foundation

Now, I am working on a “big” project involving Youth, Catalysts, and scouts from secondary schools. I have named the event “Melindungi Alam Dengan si Pohon Pelindung.” Initially, the idea just popped into my head because I was bored and hadn't done anything in the Ind division. And who would have thought? My coach and all my friends supported me. They also contributed by providing assistance, networking, and great ideas.

For those of you still reading this, who may have had similar experiences, feeling tired, frustrated, ready to give up, that’s completely okay and very human. But don’t stop there. Maybe you should try joining the training here to discover your “true self” and receive guidance from someone more professional than us. And while there’s still much I need to improve about myself, this process is worth the wait.

There may be many difficulties that I will encounter when entering a new world, but I will try my best to understand things well and quickly, be flexible, and have good leadership skills based on my experience. And perhaps I will be more confident if I can be proud of my achievements here. Things like initiating new programs in the Learning and Development division, becoming more fluent in English, being a responsible leader, managing the idea waste bank, and being able to manage 40 children during a museum visit during my internship.